No Longer Loving In Silence
by Firesword
Summary: SlashHPSS. Finale. Severus decides to drop in Number Twelve, & with Remus' encouragement, he stays behind to tell Harry of his feelings. He even attempts to joke by asking Harry, Now, do you think the universe will be swallowed up by the sun.
1. Sufferings

**Title: **No Longer Loving In Silence  
**Author: **Firesword  
**Full Summary: **SLASH. HP/SS (In the end). A Post-OotP fic. Harry suffers because of his abusive boyfriend, but knows that it is his fault, partly. If he had been more determined to be with someone he _does_ love, he would not have to deal with the consequences of being handled roughly. Remus, his friend, is alarmed to find him unhealthy, and recruits Severus Snape and Madam Pomfrey for his treatment. Snape and Lupin are shocked at the truth, but after some time, Harry gets the feeling that things happen for their own reasons. When Severus Snape starts to visit him occasionally, Harry wished he could confess his feelings to the wizard, but does not have the courage to do so. In the end, it is Severus, who makes the first move.  
**Rating: _R_**  
**Disclaimers: **Harry Potter and its characters aren't mine. Only the plot and the time I used to type this. 

**WARNINGS: **SLASH (homosexual pairings), OOC, Violence (Sex-related and exchanging hexes), Implied incest (DM/LM), Language, Angst, Fluff, Lime. Hence, the fic has to be rated 'R'.

So if things - for example incest and so on - squicks you, please move on to another fic. Thank you.

**Author's Notes:** I started writing this on paper on the 21st of November, after getting irritated by something so trivial, that I don't remember why I was irritated. This fic is, unfortunately, un-beta'd, so I hope you won't have a migraine after reading it. Maybe you'll just have a mild one … hopefully. My birthday is on Saturday -- the fourth -- so that is why I decided to give you guys a treat! 'No Longer Loving In Silence' has a total of seven chapters by the way (I'm trying to transfer the writing to the computer as fast as I can, and check it for errors). I hope that I can give you guys every chapter before the first week of December ends.

**Firesword: **sighs I am having some problems converting my word.doc into .html. The punctuation signs always go awry... I can no longer use my long dash, so I have replaced them with (--). I had thought I had taken care of the problems but again this morning, when I reread the fics I recently updated, '...' and '...' were replaced by '?'. This chapter is edited on 03 Dec 2004.

* * *

**CHAPTER ONE: SUFFERINGS **

**Monday, 5th July 1999.**

There was a wizard who stood alone inside a bathroom, and he watched his reflection in the mirror. His lips were swollen, bruised and cut, his right eye was puffy and purpling, and his chest looked even worse. He had received those injuries last night, and he flinched slightly as he recalled the encounter. He knew that he would not be recognized if he were to walk across his friends' lawn, except if they looked carefully at his hair, which was still thick and unruly.

The sound of a door slamming jerked him out of his musings. _He_ was back. Harry had not realized that his knuckles were white from clutching the edge of the sink. He took a deep breath and pushed himself to walk out of the bathroom.

Immediately, his eyes settled on his gleaming brown trunk. He summoned it toward him with a hand gesture, and his trunk followed him faithfully as he walked in the direction of the rectangular oak desk. He lifted Hedwig's cage, and he sighed. He really missed his snowy owl. Hedwig had not been with him for several months; she had flown away when it became clear that Harry's boyfriend was abusing him. In addition, his owl had distrusted the silver-eyed wizard even before Harry graduated from Hogwarts.

_Well ... seems like she was right after all,_ Harry thought sadly.

The door to the bedroom swung open, and Draco Malfoy stepped in. The latter looked surprised when he saw Harry with his possessions.

"Where are you going, Harry?" Draco asked. He stalked forward and it took all of Harry's determination to remain where he was. The blonde-haired Slytherin reached out for his neck, to pull him for a kiss, but Harry used magic to push him away. There was no doubt that Draco would be Harry's first ex-boyfriend, soon.

"How dare you!" Draco hissed angrily, and pointed his wand at Harry.

"Don't, Draco," Harry said warningly. "I'm leaving. I'm tired of holding back. I'm tired of fooling myself."

"I won't let you move a _single_ inch," Draco threatened. "Put down your trunk, Harry."

"No."

"Put it _down_!"

"I'm _not_ going to waste any more of my time with someone who doesn't even care about me!" he shouted, and the glass door of Draco's displays cabinet cracked. Tears blurred his vision and he blinked his eyes rapidly. "Fuck it." His emerald eyes darkened with fury. "I thought I knew you -- I thought I'd be happy with you. Merlin! Why did things change, you bastard? Had you merely acted while we were still seven-years?"

"You wanted it, Harry!"

"Want myself to get beaten up, hexed and cursed every single time you feel like _fucking_ me?" Harry threw his head back and laughed bitterly. "I guess I'm insane then, for wanting to be loved like this." Then he moved quickly, before Draco could use his charisma to make him stay.

"Harry, no! Please!" Draco grabbed at his elbow and Harry was forced to turn around. "Stay! I promise I'll change!"

Harry felt hurt; he felt as though a needle had pierced his heart and he bled in silence.

"And then you'll change again," Harry said softly. "I thought I could love you, Draco. I thought all this," he indicated at his own face, "was normal, when you're angry. I'm sorry, Draco, but I used Legilimency on you last night. This is not normal." Draco looked stunned, and Harry took the opportunity to leave the house and Apparated to Number Twelve.

* * *

Harry spent several days trying to pull himself together, but sometimes, the need to cry had been severely strong. When those moments of despair came upon him, he would often lose consciousness of his surroundings. One night, he was in the library and was looking at the photos of his friends: Sirius, Remus, Moody, Dumbledore, the Weasleys, and Hermione. It was the memory of Sirius' voice that made him lose control over his emotions.

_"It's not that hard to ride a motorcycle. Of course, I had the help of a half-blood wizard."_

Harry had not felt this lonely for a long time, and wished he had gone to visit the Weasleys. However, he could not, especially when he still looked battered. Not even the presence of Hedwig -- she had appeared mysteriously the night he had returned to the house he had inherited -- could cheer him up. He huddled in one corner of the library, and cried softly. For some reason, his ability to sense others was dulled when he was distraught. He did not know that someone had knelt in front of him until a bolt of pain traveled from his shoulder to the rest of his arm.

"Bloody hell, Harry! What happened to you? And where have you been all these months?" Remus Lupin demanded, and shook Harry slightly. "Merlin! Get up!"

Harry, shocked upon hearing the anger in his friend's voice, could not move. "Go away, Remus," he heard himself say. He did not expect the slap from Remus, who seldom raised his voice. The force of the blow made him stagger backward. He remembered feeling a surge of hatred for the werewolf burst forth from his heart before he muttered the spell under his breath.

His awareness pushed into Remus' mind, but ignored the older man's hazy memories. Then Harry recoiled -- not because he was disgusted, but because he was ashamed.

"Remus ... I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he whispered repeatedly.

* * *

His anger with the young wizard vanished when Harry huddled in the corner once more. The despair that came from Harry felt almost tangible to Remus that he immediately gathered the sorrowful wizard in his arms.

"Harry ... shhh ... it's all right," Remus whispered soothingly. _Damn ... he's a wreck. I thought the slap would bring him to his senses. Gods ... Remus, you're an idiot. For once, your approach to solve something has backfired on you._

Harry's fingers tightened around the front of his shirt and cried harder. Remus nearly panicked. He stroked the thick mane of hair gently, to distract the two of them -- Harry from distress and Remus from anxiety. "Harry, what is wrong?"

"I thought you wanted to see me hurt," Harry replied softly. "Just like him."

Alarm bells started to go off in his mind. "Like who?"

"Draco." Harry's response was so soft that Remus thought it had been his own imagination that he heard the name. "You must hate me now," Harry whispered. "I've become something less than --"

"Say no more." Remus could not bear to listen to his friend. "I don't hate you -- not because you're gay, and not because of the mistakes you've made." He placed his fingertips under Harry's chin and lifted it. "Does he know that you have left him?" When Harry nodded, Remus was relieved. Then his brown eyes hardened. "Good. I hope he never tries to see you, and I hope I will never cross paths with him."

"Remus, don't --"

"I'm not going to do anything reckless," Remus reassured him quickly. "But I'll kill him if he hurts you again."

Remus then helped Harry up to bed and checked the young man over while he listened to what actually went on between the two of them. It sickened him to know that Draco had managed to conceal his wicked and sadistic nature for so long, and without being recruited as another servant of the Dark Lord -- while Voldemort and his Death Eaters were active.

"I loved him once, Remus." Harry's voice broke into his train of thought. "I was happy when we were still students."

Remus studied the young man, who looked exhausted and ill.

"But maybe it hadn't love after all." Harry's eyes fluttered, and then, they closed.

Remus watched Harry sleep for some time. Then_ I'd better get something for his bruises..._

* * *

Severus Snape did not appreciate being disturbed when he was at home. He liked it even less when his reading session was interrupted by the incessant knocking on his front door.

_Maybe, if I stay still and be quiet, the idiot will think that I'm not at home and go away?_ Severus thought hopefully.

"You aren't deceiving me with your silence, Severus. I can smell you from here."

_Great. Why does it have to the shaggy werewolf?_ He scowled, irritated.

Severus grabbed his bookmark and slipped it between the pages before he set the book down. He walked over to his door and waved his hand at the multiple locks that secured it to the wall. One by one, they unlocked, and finally, he stared at the forever-tired-appearing Lupin.

"I know it is not time for you to need your potion. What do you want, Lupin?" Severus made no effort whatsoever to hide the disdain and irritation in his voice. He also made no move to invite the wizard in.

"Save it, Severus. I'm too annoyed to appreciate any of your nips," Remus grated.

_Nips?_ Severus snorted derisively. "You, annoyed? Just exactly who is making the disturbance?"

Remus ignored his remark, and he watched as the werewolf pulled a scrap of paper out from a patched pocket. Then Remus started to rattle out a list of things.

"I also need the --"

"I am _not_ a goddamned pharmacy, Remus!" he exploded. "And you're not even paying me a Knut!"

"And I need some sleeping potions as well as something for fatigue," Remus finished, and Severus felt chilled upon hearing the dangerously soft voice. "And you're right -- I can't pay for all of these, not immediately anyway. I can't approach any of the clinics because of this, as well as my condition as a werewolf. I believe you are quite aware of the restrictions. However, I'm not going to go and ask Hermione or the Weasleys for help. I don't want Hermione to fret, I don't want Ron, the twins, and Ginny, to start a war, and I _absolutely_ do not want Molly to get hysterical."

Severus' frown deepened. "What in the nine hells are you talking about?"

"Why didn't you warn Harry about Draco?" Remus burst out angrily.

* * *

Remus watched the Potions Master's reaction to his question carefully. However, when he saw confusion and bewilderment in the pair of black eyes, he knew then that not even Severus was aware of Draco's violent behavior. Remus expected to hear him demand about Draco, but it seemed that the night was full with surprises.

"Harry -- what happened to him?" There was no doubt about the concern in Severus' voice. _And he called Harry by name. Is this good or bad?_

"Draco ... he was abused by Draco," Remus answered. He felt uneasy and troubled, as though he had broken a promise.

Severus looked blankly at him. "Abused? By Draco?" The Potions Master shook his head. "You're lying."

"Whether it's the truth or not, believe what you want, Severus, but I am not lying about the state that Harry's in. Are you going to help me get the medications or what?" he asked shortly.

"Take me to him."

Remus' eyes widened. "So you can gloat over him?"

"Not only are you a typical Gryffindor, but it seems that your wits and intelligence are a match for a cave troll," Severus spat. "I am coming with you, werewolf, so that I can gauge how much Harry can consume. I trust idiots like you even less than I trust other Slytherins. I'd be a fool if I let you use my potions, only to be informed by Aurors that Harry has gone into shock, or is dying from an overdose."

* * *

"You want me to what?" Severus exclaimed two hours later, and almost collapsed on the stool. "I will not do it! Not unless he's awake and agrees to let me check him," he said firmly.

"Damn you, Severus, but look at him. _Look_ at him!" The werewolf started to swear lengthily.

"Listen to me. I understand your worries," Severus began, "but do you want me, of all people, to violate him? I don't know if he had told you the truth, about Draco, but it is clear that he has been abused, sexually."

"Then you want me to just stand around even when I know that his insides are infected?"

Severus felt like pulling his hair in frustration. His eyes flickered over the motionless form on the bed, and they paused to study the innocent and battered face. _At least he is asleep..._ He had felt very uncomfortable the moment he saw the bruises on Harry's chest and arms, but the fact that he knew that Harry had been mistreated, had made him nauseous.

_Why do I care? It is not like he would suffer less, had the Dark Lord won the war,_ Severus thought to himself. _Damn it. I can't sit around, especially when I know his condition will worsen within thirty-six hours, if he remains untreated._

He raised his head and massaged his temples. "This is quite out of my league, Remus," he said quietly. "But Harry _has_ to get help."

"Who will?"

"She won't like this, but she can't turn Harry away. I will give her no choice."

"You mean _her_?"

"Yes." Severus nodded. "And to ensure that Harry will be treated, I suggest we dress Harry up and bring him to her."

"I don't think she's going to like this."

"If she doesn't scream for at least ten minutes, then she's insane," he said, after a quick glance at the clock. It was already past one in the morning.

* * *


	2. In Need

**  
**

**Firesword: **sighs I am having some problems converting my word.doc into .html. The punctuation signs always go awry... I can no longer use my long dash, so I have replaced them with (--). I had thought I had taken care of the problems but again this morning, when I reread the fics I recently updated, '...' and '....' were replaced by '?'. This chapter is edited on 03 Dec 2004.

* * *

** CHAPTER TWO: IN NEED **

**Two days later.**

Harry awoke in a strange bed. He did not have any time to contemplate his surroundings, because just as soon he sat up, he vomited violently all over the gray blanket.

"Oh dear, oh dear," he heard someone say in alarm. "Lupin!" Harry did not recognize the voice, or the witch that had spoken. "Here, Harry." He took the basin gratefully, and grimaced as another surge of bile rose into his throat. While he was preoccupied, the witch charmed the bedsheets clean.

"Harry."

The familiar voice made him look up. It was Remus and he held a towel in one hand.

"Shall I bathe him?" Remus asked the witch. She nodded in response.

"I've already drawn his bath, Lupin. Now, if you would assist me?"

_A bath._ Harry was thankful. He let his friend pull him up, and held on to Remus' waist as they made their way slowly to the bathroom. He was too tired to object or feel embarrassed when Remus started to undress him. However, he was still able to speak, and he asked the witch, "Who are you?"

"Honestly, Mister Potter," she answered drily. "You end up in my infirmary bed more frequently than any other students. It has finally occurred to me that you're accident-prone."

Harry stared at her incredulously._ "Madam Pomfrey?"_

"Who else can I be?" she replied, rolling her eyes in aggravation. She turned to Remus. "Can you handle him? I have to fetch something." Remus nodded and she walked out briskly.

"Careful," Remus said to him as he lowered himself into the tub. The water felt blissfully warm against his clammy skin. Harry was half tempted to duck his head under the water, but fortunately, there was a huge scoop within reach. However, he was shocked to find that he could not wrap his fingers around the handle; his fingers felt weak for some reason.

"Don't worry -- I'll help you."

He watched as Remus scooped up some water using the utensil, then closed his eyes as water poured over his head.

"Remus? Why do I feel numb?" Harry croaked.

His friend did not look at him in the eye when he replied. "You're drugged, so that you won't be bothered by pain."

"It's not that serious," Harry protested weakly.

"Not serious to you, perhaps," Madam Pomfrey cut in. "But to a medi-witch, your condition could have been prevented, had you been more careful of your partners," she said scathingly. She edged closer to the bathtub, and Harry saw that she held a green pill in her right hand and a glass of water in the other. "Here -- take this."

"What is that for?" Remus asked suspiciously.

"It will clean his mouth and rid the taste of vomit," she answered swiftly. "Hang on to Lupin, mind. The pill has an awful kick. Lupin, you give Harry this glass of water once the explosion is over. I'm going to find something suitable for him to sleep in. Here you go."

Harry frowned slightly but did not spit out the tablet. He tasted ... or felt a burning sensation the minute he closed his mouth. Then his eardrums popped and his vision turned black as the pill went off inside his mouth. _Hot! Hot!_ He coughed violently. "Remus!" Harry coughed again. "Water!" His friend thrust the glass at him, and he grabbed it. He drank, rinsed quickly, and spat the liquid back into the glass.

"I had expected you to drink it, not spit it out," Remus said wryly.

Harry coughed. The sensation as though his tongue was on fire receded eventually. "Fred and George will definitely love this." He chuckled weakly. "Maybe I shall ask Madam Pomfrey to give me some and then I'll hand it over to the twins. I can't imagine the look on Hermione's face if they give one to her -- she'll probably think it is some kind of prank and will not believe that it has dental purposes."

Remus laughed with him. "It's been a while since I've heard you joke." Harry smiled weakly.

They returned to the bedroom. Madam Pomfrey was nowhere in sight, but there was a light brown sleeping robe on the bed. It was while Remus was helping him wear the piece of clothing did he ask, who other than Madam Pomfrey knew of his troubles. When Remus did not reply him immediately, Harry thought that only he and the school nurse knew. Therefore, he dropped his worries.

"Severus knows," Remus said quietly as he tucked the blanket around Harry's waist. His reply felt like a slap to Harry.

"Dear gods ... Remus, why did you tell him?" Harry whispered. "How could you..." He felt utterly humiliated. "Why?"

Remus sat beside him and gave him a compassionate look. "I know. Your bruises disturbed me, but I couldn't go to a clinic and buy what you needed. I thought of Severus immediately, and we got the things for your treatment."

"And I know how you feel about Professor Snape, Harry," Madam Pomfrey said. "But, if Lupin had not brought the Potions Master initially, he would know about you all the same since I needed two of his potions, which are by right, quite dangerous to use if it is not brewed precisely."

"Severus is the only one I trust when it comes to medicinal potions. Healing paste and such are commonplace enough, but as for the Sleeping Draught and Draft of Peace..."

"_I_ feel the same way," Madam Pomfrey added. "He can be a dubious character sometimes but I thank Merlin that I know that those potions of his can be trusted."

Harry could not comment on that. He remained silent and watched her carry a red basin. He could hear water sloshing from it as Madam Pomfrey set it down on the broad, bedside table. She went out, but returned with a tumbler and a black bottle.

"I'll leave the two of you alone now," she said mysteriously, after she had placed the tumbler and the bottle on the table. "Lupin -- be careful."

Harry stared at Remus in confusion, and wondered of the purpose behind Madam Pomfrey's words. His friend exhaled loudly and started to wash his hands with the water from the basin.

"I'm not sure how to tell you this," Remus muttered. "Your insides are damaged. Madam Pomfrey wanted Severus to do it, since he knows how much you really need, but he adamantly refused. So, the task fell into my lap."

"What do you mean?" Harry asked carefully.

"Last night, Madam Pomfrey was quite worried ... so we did not wait for you to wake. I had to ... well ... literally apply the salve inside you." Remus' face reddened. Harry could only blink.

"I have to do it again," Remus said shakily. "If you can't bear the knowledge that I'm --" He did not finish his sentence but started a new one. "Drink this. I believe it has been laced with a sleeping potion."

Harry licked his dry lips. His eyes studied the tumbler on the table and then his gaze returned to watch Remus. He did not blame his friend, but somehow, he could not bring himself to witness Remus touching him. _He's my friend. I don't want to lose our friendship_.

"I -- I understand," he said. "I'll drink that."

Remus smiled, obviously relieved with his decision.

"I don't want to lose you as a friend, and I don't think I want to complicate it with intimate acts," Harry said with a slight smile.

"I feel the same way, Harry."

* * *

**Wednesday, 28th July 1999. In Number Twelve Grimmauld Place.**

Harry wandered inside the house that was left by his godfather. He was really bored and wished that he could visit his friends, or that Remus was with him. Unfortunately, it was a full moon night. Harry knew that his friend preferred to be on his own for several days when the night of transformation was upon him. He was touching a carved, wooden handrail when a surge of magical energy seeped into his fingers. He had a guest.

"Tonks?" he called out and hesitantly went down the stairs. He quickly made up a speech in his mind, just in case his friend asked with whom had he brawled with. He froze when he saw the black figure approach him from the opposite direction. It was the Potions Master.

"Snape," he greeted in a tight voice.

The wizard stopped. "Potter," Severus answered with a slight inclination of his head. The latter then passed a brown bag to him. Harry stared at it for a second, and then peered inside. He frowned.

"Where's the green bottle?" he asked absently. He flinched when Severus touched his chin.

_"Lumos,"_ Severus said softly, and Harry winced at the light that came from the tip of the wand. He realized that the older wizard was examining his eye. "You no longer need it, Potter. Wear make-up if you wish to hide it."

"Huh." _And perhaps thick, black eyeliner as well?_

"And as for the ... ointment ... I recommend you to stop using it from Friday onward. You will itch but it will be safer if it is left alone."

"Fine." Harry watched Severus with narrowed eyes. "How much do I owe you?"

* * *

Severus raised an eyebrow at that inquiry.

"I know that some of the ingredients used to make the potions are expensive."

"Well." Severus smiled crookedly. _Here's my chance to extort money from him._ "I shall make use of this golden opportunity to make you pay for the items you and your friends had stolen from me."

"We did not!" Harry said quickly, but as usual, Severus saw the brief flicker of guilt in the Gryffindor's eyes.

"Aren't you brave enough to admit that you _had_ been a thief, Potter?" Severus smirked.

"You have no proof."

"Ah, but hadn't we exchanged memories in our frequent Occlumency-Legilimency duels?"

If Severus did not have a reputation to maintain, he would have chortled. _He looks so much like a trapped rabbit._

"How much, Snape?"

"Two hundred Galleons," he said calmly.

"Are you mad?" Harry exclaimed.

"Manners, Potter."

"Two hundred?"

Severus nodded. He felt horribly gleeful and a bit giddy at the prospect of having two hundred Galleons more in his vault. He waited patiently as Harry summoned a cheque-book and a quill. Harry handed him the note and after he read it, he was tempted to wrap his fingers around the young wizard's neck.

Harry sighed. "That is the amount of my own money I can give you, Snape ...unless you want me to give you Sirius' or my father's gold?"

Severus grimaced instantly and folded the cheque neatly before keeping it in his pocket. _Should I, or shouldn't I?_ He turned to leave, but ... "Potter."

Harry was already ascending the stairs and turned around to look at him. "What?"

"Draco. He came to see me two nights ago," Severus said cautiously, and was astonished to see Harry pale at the mere mention of Draco's name. _ Had he lied about Draco abusing him?_

"And?" Harry's voice had turned harsh. "What is _his_ story?" His voice was so full of venom that Severus was taken aback.

"I don't care if he was truly responsible for what had happened to you!" Severus snapped.

"So I'm lying?" Harry hissed angrily. "I see that you're still conceited, especially when it comes to your students."

"And haven't _you_ been mine as well?" Severus shot back. "And haven't you lied about things before?"

Harry came down the stairs, and Severus backed away unconsciously when he saw the flash of fury in the young man's eyes.

"You have never showed any concern beyond _your_ Slytherins, Severus Snape!"

_Merlin...._

"Once I had thought that you were probably the one person who thinks I am nothing extraordinary, but then, even for you, I was 'The-Boy-Who-Lived'. The 'savior' of the wizarding world."

"I --"

"I was the only one who could offer you redemption!"

Severus believed that if those had been incantations rather than mere words of anger, he doubted he would be conscious to hear the rest of Harry's rant. Those words were like fire around his ears, although they were true. It had not been Dumbledore as Severus had always thought, but young Harry. The wizard he had despised for being famous without doing anything, those few years ago. Harry was the one who had given him the freedom he had craved for three long decades. Severus took a deep breath and drew himself up. He still had not finished what he had to say. "Draco said to me that he is considering suicide if you don't return to him."

Harry glared at him, but then laughed suddenly. His laughter was empty of mirth -- it was bitter and full of mockery. "He loves himself too much to do himself in, and you know it, Severus! So you don't care whether or not Draco is responsible for _this_. But I bet you're ready -- no -- eager to accept that I'm a fool. All this, is my fault! I should have been wiser!" Severus was pushed back roughly by the younger man. "Get out of my house, Severus!"

Suddenly, Severus was staring at a solid brown door. _How in hell did I get here?_ From behind the door, he heard Harry cast a charm.

"I was a fool..."

Severus held his breath and listened intently.

"I fooled myself into thinking that I could love Draco. But I don't -- I can't. He can't be a replacement." Harry laughed. "I was at fault too. I cheated him. I hurt him. I used him to make myself forget the person I do love."

He heard a soft thud and a rustling noise. Severus realized that Harry had leaned against the door, and was now sitting on the floor.

"Is it wrong that I dream and crave to be with someone I feel strongly for? Not like you will anyway. The day that you say you do love me might as well be the day the sun swallowed the universe."

Severus scowled. _What is he talking about?_ There was a sigh from behind the door.

"It seems as though I have loved you for a very long time, Severus. At least I know something now -- my feelings for you have been inside me for far longer than my crush on Draco. I don't know why, but I started to admire you when we began those duels. It had been fun. Perhaps it is just as well that you don't know. This way, you won't get hurt." There was a slight noise and Severus retreated immediately. "I love you so much but I can't ... I don't know how to say it to you." Harry's voice sounded distant. "Merlin ... 'And haven't you been mine as well?' My heart nearly stopped beating when I heard you say that."

Severus heard nothing more from Harry. He left Number Twelve in a rather confused state of mind.

_"I have loved you for a very long time, Severus."_ Harry's declaration echoed in his mind repeatedly as he made his way home. He shed his cloak, hung it on a hook, and then secured his door. He went into his kitchen and tried to make himself a cup of tea, but his hands shook so much that his cup shattered when he directed his wand at it and not the water.

_"I love you so much."_

"Bloody hell," he swore. "I think I'll drink some of my own potion tonight."

* * *

Severus' sleep was restless. Even with the relaxant he had consumed earlier, it did not guarantee him a good rest. He was dreaming but his dreams did not make any sense. Most of them were too blurry and distorted, and he still heard Harry's voice.

_"Breathing ... you're alive...."_

He woke and stared at the ceiling blankly for some time. Severus turned to lie on his side and gazed at the scene outside the window. He became sleepy after a while, closed his eyes, and fell asleep for the second time. He dreamt of voices; they were talking about him.

_"Will he make it?"_ The voice of Minerva McGonagall was worried.

_"I don't know, Minerva. He's too weak ... and he's lost so much blood. He might not last the night."_

Then Severus was floating and his entire body was caressed with soft and silky threads.

_"Severus ... live. If not for me, if not for Dumbledore, then for yourself. Please ... you're free. You're free, Severus. Please stay...."_

He moaned in his sleep and an expression of pain flickered on his face. Beads of sweat appeared on his forehead and in the slight hollow at the base of his throat. His hands fisted on the sheets that covered him from the waist down. His head thrashed restlessly from side to side as he struggled to free himself from his dreams.

_Warmth and it came from the fingers that cupped his face. He was staring up into a pair of emerald eyes that were streaming with tears, but yet, they were alight with joy._

_"You live," _the voice sounded awed._ "You're staying. Thank you."_

When Severus awakened just before dawn, he told himself firmly that his dreams had been influenced by his imagination and the unsettling visit the night before. He grumbled to himself as he got out of bed, irritated about not having a good rest.

_Just one question, Severus Snape. Are you imaginative enough to have dreams about yourself dying?_ Severus shook his head violently and readied himself for the day.

* * *


	3. The Desire to Protect

** CHAPTER THREE: THE DESIRE TO PROTECT **

**Wednesday, 11th August 1999. Diagon Alley.**

Inside Flourish and Blotts, Harry, Mr. Burgess the manager, and another assistant Harry did not really know, were busy in preparation to close the store for the night. Harry worked quickly, chanted spells and gestured with his wand. The school textbooks that had been sorted according to their academic year earlier in the week stacked themselves into the bookshelves and boxes. The new system of selling the school textbooks was more efficient, but Harry felt as though he was overworking. He had been quite busy last night as Hogwarts' students had received their booklists, and today had been no exception. 

A bell tinkled softly as someone entered the bookstore. 

"I'm sorry but we're already closed," Harry heard Mr. Burgess announce grumpily. 

"Yes, sir, I know, but the new books from J. Eddington have arrived," a female voice answered meekly. 

"Oh, all right." 

Harry concentrated on his task and placed Securing Charms on the bookshelves and boxes. He checked them for one last time before he headed for the counter. Mr. Burgess was conversing with the young witch at that time, but something made the somber manager turn. He saw Harry and nodded. The dark-haired man exited from the bookstore. Crowd in the Alley had not dwindled and Harry sighed before he joined the throng. As he had done every other night since he started to work for Mr. Burgess, he went to the joke shop. 

"Harry!" Fred greeted cheerfully when he entered. His eyes widened slightly when his red-haired friend pushed him onto a couch without any warning. "Just sit there and wait for a while." 

Harry, after a long day of standing, climbing ladders, as well as talking to customers, was grateful for a chance to rest his weary legs. 

"By the way, Harry," George paused. He came over and placed a wrapped-up box on the counter. "Did you meet Malfoy?" 

Harry sat up straight in his seat and looked around warily. "He's here?" The twins knew about his situation, not because he wanted them to, but because he could not stand Remus' persistent advising. 

"George saw him inside the Leaky Cauldron -- sometime during lunch hour, and then the Slytherin went off to Knockturn Alley," Fred said. 

"Harry," George came forward, "Fred and I feel that you should come to The Burrow with us and stay for a couple of nights." His twin, Fred, nodded his head enthusiastically. 

Harry was relaxed enough to give a weak chuckle. "How in Merlin's name can I rest in your house? It's not like I'm on holiday, you know." 

"We can ask Ginny to hex you to sleep and then let her wake you up in the morning," Fred said slyly. 

"Uh ... thanks, but no thanks." He smiled and rose from the couch. "Anyway, I guess there is nothing to worry about. Draco doesn't know where Number Twelve is. I doubt he even knows how to get in." 

"You might be right about that," Fred said thoughtfully. "Only a member of the Order can enter." 

"But are the two of you _absolutely_ certain?" George pestered. 

Harry nodded in response. "So ... where shall we go for dinner?" 

"Since you asked, you're giving us a treat!" 

"Hey! Do you think I'm a gold mine?" 

"Not a mine, no, but a vault! You are, after all, one of our sponsors!" 

"Yeah, right, but who is making the profit now?" Harry retorted, but he grinned anyway. 

* * *

Thursday proved to be blissfully cool and calm. Severus was finally in the mood to mark his students' essays. He worked fast on the papers done by the first years as they were less detailed than their seniors were. He managed to mark the second and third years before lunchtime. 

After his meal, he continued to check the essays done by the fourth years. When he noticed similarities on several separate papers, he put his quill down and read the rest before marking. A grim smile appeared on his face and he quickly sorted the stack of parchment. One of the sets he marked, but the others he simply chucked into the wastebasket under his desk. He reached out for his logbook, browsed for the correct page, and tapped his wand on some names. Under the section 'End of Term Essays', the word 'Plagiarism', appeared beside the selected students' name. Out of the fifteen delinquents, only one was a Slytherin. Severus memorized the witch's name well. 

He was taking another break when the fireplace blazed suddenly, and Draco Malfoy slid out from it. Severus looked at his ex-student with an elegantly raised eyebrow. 

"Harry. He was here, wasn't he?" Draco asked breathlessly and dusted his robes hurriedly. 

"Draco. Why in Slytherin's name would _he_ be here? In fact, I think you should know just how much Potter despises me," Severus said drily. 

"No, sir. He was here. It's just that ... I feel this presence of his," the young silver-haired wizard insisted. 

"Draco, you're mad. Potter doesn't even know where I live. And why would he want to come here? Now, will you go away and get on with life? I'm trying to work here." Then Severus ignored Draco and looked down at the essay on his desk. He missed the triumphant glint in Draco's eyes just before the young wizard disappeared into the Floo fire. 

Hours passed but Severus did not stop, even when his stomach growled loudly. He fiendishly worked on his papers, although his neck and back ached, and his eyes felt strained after subjecting them to his students' handwriting, some of which were horrendous. _I wonder how I still have perfect eyesight after all these years being a teacher. The last one ... thank Slytherin...._

He squinted at the writing and then grumbled to himself. He started to cross out passages; they merely repeated the facts already written in the first paragraph. _Merlin's beard, but why does this remind me of Harry?_

At that instant, the quill between his fingers burst into flames. Severus swore vehemently and dropped the blazing quill. His fingers stung and they hurt even more when he wrapped them tightly around his wand. _"Eteindre!"_ The fire was extinguished, and Severus resumed swearing. The burning quill had burnt a hole in his student's parchment and had scorched his desk before the fire was put out. "Damnation." 

Severus transferred his wand to his other hand and headed for the bathroom. He turned the tap on, and soothed his burns with cold running water. He did not apply anything to his injuries, but instead walked around his house briskly and blocked the fireplaces with spells. After that, he put on his cloak, stepped out and secured the house. Severus was not really someone who followed intuition as closely as Trelawney, but he suddenly felt a strong urge to make sure that Harry was all right. 

The Potions Master Apparated from his compounds, and seconds later, he reappeared in an empty back street. Severus waited for several minutes before he walked in the direction of what used to be the Order's Headquarters. Caution made him enter Number Twelve quietly. It was just as well that Harry had managed to obliterate the troublesome portraits. Stealth would have been impossible otherwise. 

A triumphant shout startled him and he nearly knocked a huge vase over in his surprise. Severus held his breath, and entered the kitchen quietly. He did not know for how long he waited inside the chilly kitchen. Then he heard footsteps -- whoever it was, moved briskly down the staircase. The stranger walked past the kitchen and continued down the hall. Severus peered around the doorway cautiously and felt his stomach churn. 

It was Draco. 

_Harry...._

Severus waited until he was certain that the other Slytherin had left the premises before he rushed up the staircase. He burst into each room he could find but there was no sign of the young, raven-haired wizard. Alarm and fear began to grip his heart. 

"Harry!" he shouted as a last resort, and hoped that Harry would reply. He reentered Harry's bedroom and looked around wildly. Then he froze, and inhaled deeply. He cursed; the scent of semen hung thickly in the air and Severus chided himself for not smelling it earlier. A brief shadow caught his eye and he stared at the bathroom door. 

He edged closer to the barrier but hesitated to open it. He took a deep breath and wore a blank expression before he turned the doorknob. 

Harry was inside the bathroom, and it eased Severus' worries slightly. The wizard was still alive, at least. "Harry?" Severus stood in the doorway and waited for the young man to reply. However, Harry did not turn and simply stared into the rectangular mirror. 

"Leave me alone," Harry said finally. 

"I'm not going to leave, not when you're injured," Severus responded seriously. He went back into the bedroom and searched Harry's wardrobe for something to cover the naked wizard. When he returned, Harry was no longer staring at his reflection. Severus gulped at the fierce glare from the Gryffindor. 

"Just leave, Snape. What's the point? _He_ got what he wanted. It's too late for you to do anything." 

Severus watched Harry calmly. "It's not too late for me to treat you." 

"Damn it, Severus! Just get the hell out of my house! I don't need your help!" 

He was ready for the force of magic that Harry always seemed to produce when he was angry, and hence, was not too affected by the blow. Severus recovered instantly, and wrapped the sleeping robe about Harry's form. It was at his touch that Harry began to cry, and the young wizard fell back against the wall. 

"Why did you show him the way?" Harry asked. "Why did you tell him?" 

Severus frowned. "I did not say anything to him, Harry." He watched as Harry sank to the floor and buried his face in his hands. 

"Why didn't you stop him?" 

_Is he even listening? I did not tell Draco anything._ Severus was at a loss. He knelt before Harry and uncertainly touched the wizard's shoulder. Harry lifted his face, and tears continued to stream down his cheeks. Severus took a sharp breath. They were the same eyes he had seen in his dream, but they were not filled with joy. Instead, accusation, bitterness and anger lurked in them. 

"Do you hate me so much? Do you feel happy now? Are you satisfied that I let someone _rape_ me?" 

"Harry." 

"Why do you hate me?" Harry whispered and bowed his head. 

Severus was well and utterly shocked. "I didn't -- I don't hate you," he said hoarsely. "Harry." He placed his hands firmly on the Gryffindor's shoulders. "Harry, I thought that Draco couldn't enter -- he's not a member of the Order. And he couldn't have extracted the information from _me_ , even if he knew how to use Legilimency." 

To his ultimate horror, Harry started to cry again, but at least, this time, Harry had slumped forward and buried his face into Severus' chest. 

"I can't bear it ... but I can't bring myself to hurt him, even to defend myself," Harry mumbled against his chest. 

He held on to Harry gently. His fingers stroked the wizard's hair, and Harry's sobs gradually came to a stop. "Then let me help you, Harry. We'll treat your injuries now, and tomorrow, we find Lupin and tell him what has happened. We'll decide what we should do about Draco then." 

Harry pushed him away suddenly. His face bore an expression of alarm. "No -- don't tell Remus. He swore he would kill Draco if he hurts me again! Severus, promise me. You'll keep this a secret from him!" 

Severus scowled. "But --" 

"I want your word on this!" 

He gave in and nodded. "The potions I gave you -- are they still here?" 

"Yes. They're in that drawer." Harry pointed his chin at the furniture. "But there isn't much left in the bottles." 

Severus looked thoughtfully at Harry. _Perhaps I should go back and get new ones. But ... do I take him with me? Will he be safe here?_ Harry's gasp of pain jolted him out of his reverie. Harry's fingers gripped his arm painfully, and Severus pulled away gently. He stared into the deep green eyes for a second before he parted the robe that he had draped over Harry's form. He winced when he saw the bite mark on Harry's collarbone and the multiple scratches on the chest. Even Harry's nipples were not spared from the onslaught. 

"He is mad," he uttered dangerously. Fetching his potions could wait for several more minutes. At that moment, he wanted to clean Harry and rid of Draco's scent from his body. Severus helped Harry up to his feet and conjured a tall, cushioned stool for the younger man to sit. 

A basin appeared in the sink and Severus filled it immediately with water. He searched for the bottle of sanitizing solution inside the drawer Harry had spoken of earlier. He examined the others and muttered under his breath. _I need something stronger than the common healing paste. The bites on him are too serious to be treated with it._ He shook his head disapprovingly, somewhat annoyed that Harry kept an inadequate first aid materials. Severus cleaned his hands quickly, and conjured a roll of smooth bandage. 

The older man grimaced with each wipe, and did not bother to focus his eyes as he cleansed Harry's groin. 

"You're not the one who is hurt, Severus," Harry said through gritted teeth. "So why do you flinch?" 

The Potions Master glared at Harry from beneath his lashes. "If you must know, I don't like to watch people suffer." 

"Oh, really?" 

Severus straightened, and stood up slowly. Then he looked down at Harry with a feigned, concerned expression. "I think what you had to go through has made you unstable, Mister Potter. I don't see how anyone sane can fall apart one minute and try to be sarcastic at the next." Severus was certain his assessment was accurate when Harry's lips quirked into a smile. 

"Do you want me to continue to scream and cry then?" Harry's voice was sad. "I am, inside. I can still feel his hands, his teeth, and his..." He trailed off and his eyes went distant. 

Anger bubbled up inside Severus and he let it simmer. He was going to make Draco pay for his actions, somehow. 

"Forget it, Severus," Harry said softly. "Please don't think about making him suffer as I did." 

He felt somewhat offended by Harry's words. "I am not considering that alternative, Harry," he hissed, and was satisfied to see Harry's eyes widen after hearing the fury in his voice. "I am not that ... despicable to do such ... acts. I do _not_ get pleasure by torturing people _that_ way." 

"I know. I just don't want to see you sink that low." Harry averted his eyes from Severus. 

Uncomfortable silence filled the bathroom. Severus cleared his throat uneasily, and told Harry that he was going to fetch his potions. Harry's face went blank and it wrenched his heart to see the fear that tried to claw its way out from Harry's eyes. He saw the Gryffindor's fingers clench and unclench; they looked as though they wanted to grab hold on something and never let go, but did not want to at the same time. Harry nodded stiffly and stood up. Without speaking to Severus, he turned and left the bathroom. 

Harry was cleaning his bed with a charm when Severus stepped into the bedroom. Soft cries reached his ears. He stopped behind Harry and clasped a shoulder tenderly. 

"Don't prevent me from coming back, Harry. I will return with my potions in an hour. I promise." 

* * *


	4. Violence and Peace

** CHAPTER FOUR: VIOLENCE AND PEACE **

Severus unlocked his wards without much thought and hastened into his study to get his bag and potions. 

"I was wondering where you had gone," a silky voice said. Severus froze with a bottle of salve in his hand. "But judging from what you are doing right now, I guess your services as a Potions Master are need." 

The black-haired wizard whirled around, and saw Draco leaning indolently against the wall. "How did you get in?" Severus demanded. 

"By entering through the doorway, of course. Do you want to go out for dinner with me, sir? I'm quite bored." 

Severus lifted his eyebrow. "I'm afraid that it is quite impossible for me to do so, Draco. As you have said, a friend of mine is in need of my services." 

"Friend, sir? I didn't know you had one." Draco smiled guilelessly. "Who is it?" 

"What do you want, Draco?" 

Draco chuckled, and the sound of it made the hair on his arms stand. "What I want is quite simple, sir." The silver-haired wizard uttered a spell. Severus ducked but he miscalculated and felt the hex sear into his waist. He crashed into his desk, and doubled up in pain. The bottle that was in his grip rolled onto the floor. 

Severus sensed the other wizard approach him and he desperately tried to reach for his wand. 

_"Lacerare!"_ Draco shouted, and the hex slashed Severus' right arm. Then cruel fingers raked through his black hair and jerked it forcefully. The older wizard gasped and his vision blurred with pain. "Severus Snape." Draco laughed again. His young aquiline face hovered closely above his own. "Stay away from Harry, Snape. If you dare help him..." 

Draco slammed his head against the floor and forced his legs apart. Severus struggled but he could not free himself, or roll over. Draco was surprisingly strong for his lean frame. He flinched, as he felt Draco's arousal rub against his groin. 

"If you dare help him, Snape, I'll do the same things to you." Draco Malfoy groaned slightly. "But you -- uhnnn -- I'll make you like it. I'll make you beg for more." 

Severus shook with revulsion as Draco clung to him and drove himself to orgasm. "Oh yes..." Draco hissed as he climaxed. Severus freed his arm from under him, took advantage of Malfoy's preoccupation and managed to get his wand out of his pocket. "Harry's mine..." Draco whispered. 

"Yours?" Severus' voice was sarcastic. He pressed the tip of his wand directly on Draco's chest. _"Expelliarmus!"_ He disarmed the blonde-haired wizard and cast another spell. The force of it hurled Draco across his study. 

Severus rose to his feet shakily and bound Draco's immobile form with magical binds. "Over my dead body. Harry will _never_ be yours, and _I_ will cut off your arms myself if you touch him again," he muttered under his breath. 

The Potions Master limped to the cabinet where he stored most of his potions and took a small tube out from its holder. He went back to Draco and forced the wizard to open his mouth. Severus tilted the tube and its content to flow into the mouth, and Draco passed out five minutes later. _He should be out for the next five hours. Now, where did I drop the ointment?_

Severus made sure that he had all the potions Harry need. He was about to leave when he felt the dampness on his groin, and nearly retched at the thought of what Draco had done to him. He changed, all the while cursing under his breath. He ignored the cut that ran from his knuckle to his elbow, as well as the way his head pounded each time he moved suddenly. 

* * *

Harry was asleep on his bed with his glasses still on his face, and Severus was filled with relief. He prepared his things and worked quickly to apply the medicine on Harry's body. However, when he came to a badly abused nipple, Severus wished that he had Madam Pomfrey with him. _This is why I became a Potions Master rather than a medic._ He judged from the way that Harry screamed when he applied the white cream on the nipple, it must have been very painful indeed. Severus stopped and waited for Harry to catch his breath. 

"Severus," Harry whispered and opened his eyes. "You're back." Gratefulness shone behind the lenses, but it quickly turned into consternation. "Severus -- you're hurt." Harry started to sit up. 

"Stay still," he ordered firmly. 

"What happened?" Harry asked but Severus remained silent. "Draco. Draco did this, didn't he?" The Gryffindor stopped his hand, preventing him from applying the medicine on the hip. "You've helped me enough. Go -- I don't want you to be troubled further." 

Severus scowled darkly at the reclining wizard. "I do not leave my tasks half-finished, Harry," he said harshly. He continued to lather the cream on the lacerations on Harry's body. "Now that you are awake, I ask you to let me clean you and apply the salve now. This way, we won't inconvenience Madam Pomfrey a second time." 

"No..." Harry looked at him with wide eyes. "I'm all right." 

"I highly doubt it," Severus said drily. "Your choice -- do you want to drink a sleeping potion or not?" He could see the fear and indecision written all over the young face. "Or shall I call Lupin?" 

"No!" 

He nodded and reached out for the tumbler he had placed on the bedside table earlier. He handed it to Harry, but the young man shook his head. "Don't be a fool!" Severus snapped. "You don't have to be aware!" 

"I don't want to take any more drugs," Harry said quietly. "Just do what you have to. I'm not silly enough to think that you will take advantage of me." 

"You can't be certain, Harry," he said warningly. 

"Of you, I am," Harry disagreed. "I trust you, Severus -- not with my whole heart, of course, but I know you will not hurt me this way." 

"You're still foolishly stubborn!" Severus exploded and placed the tumbler back on the table. He stared piercingly into Harry's eyes and took a deep breath. "Harry, if you can't bear it, tell me, and I'll withdraw." 

* * *

Severus watched his own reflection dreamily as he washed his hands. His cheeks were still pink and he groaned inwardly. He felt guilty, and hoped that Harry would forgive him for his reaction. 

Usually, Severus was able to control responses that his body made. However, he failed miserably that night. He became aroused while his finger was inside Harry, to apply the salve. He shook himself slightly, turned off the tap and wiped his hands on a towel. He expected Harry to be asleep, but he was not when Severus returned to the bedroom. 

"Severus?" Harry called with an odd look on his face. 

"What is it?" he asked but went to the bed nonetheless. 

Harry raised his arm and his fingers closed around Severus' burnt ones. "Stay." 

The first thing that came into his mind was that he had to hand Draco over to Lupin, but at Harry's pleading look, he decided he could afford to stay, for a while. 

"Please, Severus?" 

He could only nod for he did not trust his voice. He removed his boots and then allowed Harry to pull him forward. He sat gingerly on the edge of the bed. 

"You'll fall off, if you keep to the edge. The bed is big enough." 

Severus sat with his legs outstretched and leaned back against the headboard. Harry murmured a soft 'thank you' and reclined beside Severus. The older wizard's heartbeat quickened and then he jerked slightly when Harry's head came to rest on his lap. Harry had also taken hold of his right hand. 

He tried to think of a scathing remark but Harry made it hard for him; the warmth of Harry's hand made him dreamy. Severus shook his head slightly. "Harry?" The emerald-eyed Gryffindor met his gaze. "I can only stay for a while." 

Harry did not respond with words but Severus got the hint when Harry's grip on his arm tightened slightly. Again, Severus thought of a smart remark but realized he had taken too much time to do so. Harry was already fast asleep. Severus sighed, carefully lifted Harry's glasses and placed it on the bedside table. He tilted his head back and stared blankly at the ceiling. The room darkened. After a while, he could not keep his left hand still, and he started to caress the black, unruly hair. Strangely, it felt soothing. He closed his eyes and sighed in contentment before he fell asleep. 

Severus was jarred awake by loud voices a few hours later. He wanted to massage the ache in his neck but realized that something prevented him from doing so. He cracked his right eye open and saw that Harry had slid off his lap to lay fully on the bed. 

_Is my thigh that comfortable, that he hugs it as though it's a bolster?_ Severus thought darkly, and forgot that there were people in the house. _And when is he going to let go of my hand?_ He was too busy frowning at the sleeping figure to notice the two figures in the doorway, or the calls made by a third person. 

"You sick greasy bastard." 

"What have you done to Harry?" 

"Fred! Stop!" Remus' voice rang out. "George -- lower your wand. _Now!_ " Two huge candles appeared and illuminated the bedroom. 

Severus could not believe that Harry managed to sleep through the commotion. "Keep your voices down, fools. He's sleeping." _I seriously doubt that he would wake even if an Erumpent runs loose in his house._

"Severus. What happened?" Remus demanded. 

"Draco managed to get in -- I have no bloody idea how -- and you can guess at the rest. I have already seen to Harry, so he should be fine," he replied. 

"All right but what in Merlin's name happened to _you_? Your cheek's all blue." 

"Draco was in my house when I went back to get my potions --" 

"Hang on a second. You were with Harry initially?" Fred's tone was menacing. 

"No, I was not. Draco came here first." 

"Then Harry called you?" Remus frowned slightly. 

Severus sighed and looked at the werewolf patiently. "Where in the hell did you get that idea, Lupin? You know him -- will he ever ask anyone for help? Especially _mine_?" 

"You have a point there," Remus conceded. 

"Then ... how did you --" 

"-- know that Harry was _possibly_ in trouble?" George finished his twin's statement. 

Severus could only stare at them. "Draco is in my study, Lupin. I forced him to drink a sleeping potion before I left. What is the time now?" 

"Nearly eleven," one of the Weasley twins replied. 

_Eleven?!_ "Quick -- damn you, Harry! Let go of me!" Severus swore. "The potion will only be good for another hour." Then he tried to free himself. Unfortunately, the harder he tried the stronger Harry held on to his arm and leg. 

"Don't bother, Severus." Remus turned to the twins. "Get Tonks and Kingsley immediately. I'll wait inside the kitchen." 

"But Remus, what about Harry?" 

"He is safe." 

"You're joking." 

"Get going!" Remus snapped. "How are we going to get in your study, Severus?" 

"The fireplaces are blocked so you can't Floo. Enter by the door. I only placed normal wards on it." A soft noise attracted Severus' attention. Beside him, Harry stirred and called his name softly. 

"Here." Remus handed him several pillows and a blanket. Severus stared at the werewolf as though the latter had gone mad. 

"What are they for?" 

"It is obvious Harry doesn't want you to leave, Severus, so stay and look after him," Remus said calmly. "I will deal with Draco. Tell Harry that he should stay home. I'll inform Burgess that Harry's sick." The werewolf gestured at the candles and they vanished. The room became dark and Remus immediately left the room. The door closed with a soft click. 

In the darkness, Severus stared at the bundle of blanket and pillows. _I might as well...._ However, he still could not disentangle his arm and leg from Harry's grip. Exasperated, Severus said loudly, "Harry, will you please let me be comfortable? If I'm going to be by your side, I'd rather not have my back and arse ache first thing in the morning." 

Harry mumbled something and turned away. Severus used the opportunity to remove his outer robes and slid back to bed. His head barely touched a nicely positioned pillow when Harry turned over to face him, and unconsciously grabbed hold of Severus' left arm. Then he rested his forehead lightly on the older wizard's side. 

"Seriously..." Severus did not know if he should be amused or aggravated. He turned slightly and his movement caused Harry to snuggle up against him instantaneously. "I hope you're happy now," he muttered. He spent a long time listening to Harry's breathing and without meaning to, he planted a soft kiss on Harry's head. When he realized what he had done, he blushed furiously. _Sleep, you fool._

* * *

_Drums. Harry heard them very clearly. He could feel his throat become dry. His heartbeat was rapid. Fear gripped him. Adrenaline pumped through his veins. The drumming of the Red Caps just grew louder._

Harry gasped and opened his eyes instantly. He took several deep breaths and tried to calm his agitated self. Then he heard the slow and steady beat. It was the sound of a heart beating and not the beatings of a drum that signaled the approach of Voldemort's followers. The scent of soap and bitter almond filled his nostrils. Harry took another deep breath, and smelled honey and lemon as well. The iron-like scent of blood was absent and there was no stickiness under his fingers. There was no wracking coughs or any sounds that sounded as though someone was coughing blood. Harry was warm and safe -- he was not cold and shivering, or in fear for someone's life. 

He felt greatly reassured and pressed against the body beside him. He was with Severus. Severus who was still breathing deep and steady breaths. The Potions Master was even snoring, a little. Harry's lips curved into an amused smile, but mercurially turned sorrowful. 

_Wish you had been here to save me, like you always do, _Harry thought sadly._ I wish that you were mine._

Although the bedroom had no windows and no natural light, Harry knew it was about seven in the morning. It had become something of a habit for him to wake early. He had to since Mr. Burgess disliked his employees to come later than he did. Harry sighed and waved his hand at the ceiling. It began to glow dimly. 

Harry tilted his head back to gaze at Severus' calm features, and his heart nearly burst with emotion. His fingers that had been resting on the Potions Master's chest earlier had slid up to the wizard's chin and continued to move upward. Then they stopped to caress a sharply defined cheekbone. 

_I can never forget the day that I nearly lost you._ Harry sighed again. "Thank you," he said softly. "For staying. For keeping on living. I wish I knew why you had chosen to risk your life to save mine though. But thank you all the same, for holding on." 

He had been so certain that Severus was sleeping too deeply to hear his words. Although Harry was not wearing his glasses, he knew that the gleaming, black and almond-shaped things were _not_ eyebrows. His inner self screamed at him, to pull his hand away, but his fingers felt glued to Severus' cheek. 

"So it was not a dream," Severus whispered. "I nearly ... died?" 

Harry was quite amazed that Severus did not slap his hand away, or made any move to displace it. He opened his mouth to answer, but nothing came out. He tried several times, and finally found his voice. 

"No, Severus. It was no dream," Harry said quietly. 

* * *


	5. Cursed

** CHAPTER FIVE: CURSED **

**Sunday, 19th September 1999.**

That evening after dinner, the group of young adults lounged inside the Weasleys' small, but cozy, living room. Harry, who was feeling drowsy after drinking two mugs of hot chocolate, was too lazy to conjure a chair for himself. He sat on the floor and leaned back against the wall. He smiled lazily as he watched the antics of the youngest Weasley sibling and his two best friends. Harry was too preoccupied looking at the lively scene of teasing to be aware of a monstrous, velvety and rectangular object that was coming fast in his direction. 

His laughter was suddenly cut off as a cushion smacked the side of his face. "Owww." 

"Harry, you're slipping. You used to be able to duck when things came flying at you." Charlie Weasley, the wizard responsible for the flying cushion, grinned broadly. 

"Fuck off, Charlie," Harry said crossly. 

"Harry." Hermione's voice held a dangerous note. 

"Oh, come on!" Ron gave his girlfriend a pleading look. "It's a good sign, you know. I mean, when Harry swears." 

"Ronald, sometimes your perception of things often makes me wonder if you're all right in the head." 

"Y-ouch," Fred and George said at the same time. The company, except for Ron and Hermione, burst out into laughter. 

"Move over, Harry." Charlie waved at him and Harry moved to make room for the dragon keeper. "So ... how are things going for you?" 

Harry could not tell why he felt uneasy. He told himself that perhaps he did not like people to sit so close to him, especially in an already cramped environment. "All right, I guess. But I don't understand why business is still brisk, though." His expression became amused. 

"Ha ha." Fred snorted derisively. 

"Exactly, twin. What in the bloody hell was Lockhart thinking?" 

"Well, if he still want to write, that's his business," Ginny said, shrugging. 

"Write a load of nonsense, probably." 

"That's good then, Harry. You won't have time to feel bored," Charlie said sententiously. "So ... Harry. Do you have a girlfriend?" 

"Oi, Charlie!" Fred called. 

"It's _boy_friend. Not _girl_friend," George corrected. 

"Someone's getting old." Bill snickered. 

"And someone's even older," Charlie muttered and his face reddened slightly. "Ah -- sorry, Harry. I had forgotten about that." He actually sounded sheepish. "So do you have one? Mostly every one here has a partner -- even my baby sister has one." 

Ginny cleared her throat dangerously and Harry's eyes flickered to watch her. She was gazing at Charlie with a sardonic expression, but she was also slapping her hand threateningly against her thigh. "Charlie, before you expect Harry to answer that, why don't you tell us about yours?" Ginny asked satirically. 

"Yeah, baby Ginevra's right," Bill agreed. 

"Oh hush." 

"I can only afford to pay attention to my dragon, my good siblings and friends. How on earth do I have a girlfriend when I'm too busy making sure that Sheva's got all her eggs," Charlie said ruefully. "So, back to you, Harry. Who's the lucky guy?" 

Harry fidgeted nervously. "No one." 

"Come on -- we don't believe you. You disappeared on us for several months. Surely you were spending time with someone." 

Harry could only shake his head. Fortunately for him, the Weasley twins quickly turned the conversation back about work, and Hermione was more than glad to have the chance to tell them about her experience working in the Ministry. Harry really tried to pay attention to what she was saying, but he was so sleepy. He hugged the cushion tightly in his arms. _Damn, but I wish it were Severus that I'm hugging. I miss him._ Before he could further examine that particular thought, he fell asleep. 

* * *

Fred had been watching his emerald-eyed friend for quite some time, and when Harry started to sway, he reacted quickly and steadied the young wizard. 

"Eh? Asleep already?" Charlie was surprised. 

"Harry? Harry?" Fred started to shake the sleeping man gently. 

"Hmmm?" 

"Get up. If you want to sleep, sleep in a bed. You'll sleep in our room tonight." 

"All right." 

George came to his side quickly, and they hefted Harry to his feet together. They were heading for their rickety, old staircase when Ginny spoke loudly. 

"The two of you better not try to experiment your products on Harry! He still has to work tomorrow!" 

Fred swore under his breath. "That girl sounds as if she's his wife," he muttered darkly. 

"Too bad our friend here absolutely prefers a husband," George sneered. 

"Shut up, you two. What about you? Where are your girlfriends?" 

"Oh? Awake, is he?" Fred remarked cheerfully. 

"We don't really need girlfriends --" 

"-- to keep ourselves happy." 

When Fred felt Harry stiffen, he thought about what they had said, and groaned. "Uh-oh. George, I think Harry here misinterpreted our words." His twin kicked their bedroom door open, and winced when their mother screamed at them to keep the noise down. The Weasley twins dumped Harry on one of the beds. 

"You don't have to be so rough about it," Harry muttered and started to take his socks off. 

George laughed and Fred draped his arm about his twin's shoulders. "Now, before we leave you alone in our bedroom, we just want to say --" 

"-- we weren't happy when we had girlfriends." 

"That's because they wanted to keep us separated --" 

"-- which is rather troublesome since I don't feel whole --" 

"-- when he's not around to prank on me --" 

"-- and you two should stop talking and let me sleep. You're giving me a bloody headache talking like that," Harry finished for them. 

The twins laughed and quickly exited the bedroom. They managed to close the door before the pillow Harry threw could hit them. 

"Woah. Pretty impressive vocabulary you've got, Harry!" Fred raised his voice slightly, and then chuckled with his twin. They descended the staircase slowly. 

"Fred, do you think he and Remus are an item?" 

"Why do you ask?" He glanced at his twin and gave an inquiring look. 

"Well ... Remus does spend a lot of time with him." 

Fred thought about it but after he recalled what he saw a few weeks ago, he shook his head. "I don't think so, George. Not Remus. However, I think that, perhaps..." 

"Snape?" 

"I know how you feel," he said sympathetically. "But for some reason, I suspect that Harry had set his eyes on the git for a long time." 

"You know, that morning when we went back to Grimmauld Place, I saw Harry staring at Snape," George told him. 

"Really? And?" 

"I think he is in love, maybe. Just that he was staring so intently at the bastard. But Snape refused to look at him all through breakfast. Can that mean something?" 

Fred could not suppress the shudder that coursed through his body. "Now, that will be scary, won't it? The possibility that Snape loves Harry?" 

"I don't want to think about it," George said gloomily. 

* * *

It was lunchtime and Harry was walking briskly toward the Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. There was a sign that said 'Closed for Lunch' hanging on the door, but George signaled him to come in. Fred was not around in the shop. 

"George, I'm going to the hospital," Harry informed George and was not surprised to see his friend frown. 

"You don't really have to see him, Harry," George said sternly. 

Harry smiled and nodded. "I know," he began quietly, "but my conscience has been bothering me for several days." 

"I think I'll accompany you," George muttered. 

"No, you can't," Harry interjected quickly. 

"Why not?" 

"Kingsley warned that Draco gets a little ... mad when he sees two wizards together. But that was weeks ago. Perhaps that has changed." 

"Well, take Gin." George abruptly stopped. "Crap. Ginny doesn't know." The redhead smacked his forehead. 

"Nothing will happen to me. Kingsley told me that Draco's watched by two of the hospital staff all the time." 

"If you're set on going then I won't stop you, but please, be careful. I don't want to have explain to Mum why you keep on disappearing," George said grumpily. 

"Don't worry. I'll be careful," Harry reassured his friend. 

* * *

Harry waited until the two medi-wizards leave the room before he spoke to the wizard who sat calmly on the white, immaculate bed. "How are you?" he asked carefully. 

"You have plenty of courage to come here and see me," Draco drawled. "Do you think that you'll be safe from me, just because the door is wide open?" 

"Draco --" 

"Why? I know you can't bring yourself to use magic against me." Draco slowly got out of the bed and gave him a penetrating stare. Harry shifted on his feet nervously. 

"I want to know the real reason why --" His voice broke at that point, and he coughed. He tried again. "I need to know the real reason why you..." It seemed that no matter how many times he rehearsed that question, he was not able to finish it. 

"You used Legilimency on me, didn't you? You already know the reason, Harry. Why ask me?" Draco smiled. "Hurting you gave me pleasure." 

Harry forced himself to stay still even when Draco sidled against his side, trailed one finger over his thigh and breathed against his neck. When he felt the Slytherin lean forward slightly, to kiss at the spot beneath his ear, he shied away. Draco smiled thinly at his reaction. 

"It felt so good -- tasting your blood, watching you feel pain when I'm inside you..." 

"I don't believe you, Draco," Harry said finally. 

"Whatever, Harry. It also fulfilled my thirst for revenge." 

"Revenge?" 

"Stop pretending as though you don't know what I'm talking about. I know you didn't love me from the beginning." 

Harry felt peaceful at last. "Yes, you're right," he admitted. "I cared about you, but I couldn't love you." 

"That's one other reason why I like it rough." Draco's grey eyes hardened. "So that you wouldn't be able to fantasize about someone else." 

"That's enough, Draco." 

The new voice startled the two wizards in the ward. Harry saw an expression of alarm flicker on Draco's face. Harry turned around swiftly to face the person who had spoken to his ex-boyfriend and his fingers twitched suddenly as he stared at Lucius Malfoy. There were two Aurors with the prisoner, and one of them released the chains that linked his wrists to his ankles. 

"You only have two hours," the Auror said gruffly. He pushed Lucius into the room, and door closed. Harry frowned slightly at that. 

"Father." 

"Drop the façade, Draco, and tell him the truth. If you do not, then I will." 

Harry was too shocked to demand as to why Lucius was here. 

"Father --" 

"I may have raised you to be a Slytherin, Draco, but do not forget that above all else, you're a wizard and a man," Lucius Malfoy said harshly. "It is Potter's right to know. Why you never told him from the beginning astounds me. Draco was cursed, Potter," Lucius said calmly, but his grey eyes were filled with anger. 

"Stop it!" Draco screamed. 

"Cursed?" Harry's eyes narrowed. 

"Draco was cursed because of me. Because of my failure to capture you in stealth. My m -- _he_ cursed the two of us." 

"What exactly did he curse you with? And how does it explain Draco's behavior toward me?" Harry took a step forward, and forced his arms to stay still, although they wanted to shake Lucius. Then Draco shouted something, and he suddenly rushed at Harry. 

"Don't listen to him! Don't listen! They're all lies!" 

_"Silencio,"_ Lucius said softly. 

Draco's mouth worked but nothing was heard. Harry gasped and placed himself between Draco and Lucius immediately. "How did you --" 

"You and I know that our wands are nothing more but tools to aid us direct our magic, Potter," Lucius replied gravely. "The two of you -- sit." 

Harry ignored the wizard's order but Draco fell to his knees and covered his ears with his hands. "What curse, Lucius?" Harry asked, feeling peculiarly detached at the moment. 

"_He_ knew I did not want Draco to be a part of his cult. When I failed to bring you, he..." Lucius paled. "He..." The wizard's shoulders shook tremulously. Harry was slightly alarmed to see the wizard react that way. He knew that it was not just being an Azkaban prisoner that made Lucius fearful, and whatever it was must be unpleasant to be thought of. "I had sex with Draco that night," Lucius whispered. 

"I raped him," Draco said hoarsely. His voice was still affected by the Silencing Charm. "Vold -- he made me rape my own father. Then --" 

"The Dark Lord altered the spell so that my son would always be dominant ... and excessive." 

"But why --" Harry stared at Draco, lost for words. His ex-boyfriend was sobbing, and then, Harry understood. "You couldn't bear the memory." He saw Lucius nod. 

"Draco replaced me, with you. He felt guilty, so he took it out on you." Then Lucius smiled crookedly. "However, I'm glad that it was _you_." Harry felt his body stiffened in anger. "At least you have the notorious reputation to bounce back on your feet after a bad experience. I certainly don't want to imagine what would have happened if it had been someone else." Malfoy's face turned thoughtful. "And when the Dark Lord died, he took the information of the counter-curse with him." 

Harry's knees went weak suddenly, and he sat on a nearby chair. His temples pounded and he squinted at the pain. He felt sick and waited for his nausea to pass. By that time, Draco had crawled over to where his father was. Lucius was sitting on Draco's hospital bed, and his son was hugging his legs, still crying. 

_"Finite Incantatem,"_ Lucius murmured and released Draco from the charm. 

"For months, Harry, I hated you," Draco said softly. "For defeating _him_. But now, I thank you, for bringing me here." 

Harry tilted his head to one side and looked at the Malfoys in confusion. "I don't understand." 

"Please forgive me," Draco whispered. "I owe you for your help in breaking the curse." 

"But --" 

"The answer had been so simple, and yet I was blind and stupid not to realize it. You defeated the Dark Lord with it -- with a very simple thing." 

Harry remained silent and considered Draco's words carefully. Then for what felt like eternity, he studied father and son. He knew the answer after he saw the way Lucius stroked Draco's hair. In addition, as though to confirm his suspicion, Draco said, "I love my father. I loved him -- which was why I couldn't love you. The curse was broken when I finally admitted it to myself. I know just how wrong it is to love my own father in this manner but I can't help it. I love my father. I love to see him smile. I love to make love to him, and him doing it to me. The curse was neutralized when he visited me three days after Shacklebolt and Tonks put me here. I am actually happy with how this turned out." 

_Dear gods ... this is so twisted...._

"I do not pretend to be a good person, but it certainly caught me off-guard to know that I did not mind to see my own son arch over me. Then I could not control the way my heart started to feel about him, or my body. It's just like --" 

"A door had opened for us. Just for us," Draco said quietly. 

_No more._ His head hurt. "I understand. You don't have to ask me to stay silent. I will not tarnish your names further." 

"Thank you," Draco and Lucius replied at the same time. 

Harry felt his face burn as he watched the two silver-haired wizards across him. They were giving each other looks, and Harry could tell that it was not a look that was usually exchanged by fathers and sons. _My head really hurts._ "Just one more question, Draco. How did you slip past the wards of my house?" 

Draco blinked his eyes and stared at Harry with another penetrating gaze. "Kreacher." 

Harry fisted his hand. "That elf is still alive?" 

"Don't worry about it any longer, Harry. I couldn't stand him myself, so I took an axe and beheaded him." 

"You did?" Harry said incredulously. 

"If you happen to see Snape, please tell him that I'm sorry." 

Harry looked curiously at Draco but shrugged in the end. "Well, I suppose I ought to thank you for eliminating that house-elf. And I really ought to go now." He stood up, anxious to get out of the ward immediately. "Take care, Draco." 

They were not listening to him anymore and Harry blushed furiously. When he left the hospital grounds, it was with an untroubled heart, but his head still pounded. _I think I am shocked by their incestuous relation. But -- forget it. They're happy at least._

* * *

When Harry returned home that night, Remus was in his kitchen and was preparing dinner for two. His face must have shown that he was in pain because Remus immediately inquired, "Is this why you're home early? You have a headache?" 

"Yeah, but it feels more like a migraine," Harry said with a slight smile. "Is that tea brewing on the stove?" 

"Yes." Remus nodded. "I think Severus had left a headache remedy in your bedroom. I'll go check if it's still there." 

Harry thanked Remus, feeling both grateful and relieved. _I hope the twins kept my visit to the hospital a secret._ Remus returned with the potion and they quickly laid dinner out on the small table. After Harry had his meal and medicine, he lingered, and sipped on his tea slowly. 

"I don't know if I should mention this, Harry, and I know you will probably curse me for it," Remus started, "but you look lonely." 

"Damned right you are," Harry growled. "What brought this on?" 

"The way you looked, of course." Remus watched him expectantly and it made him nervous. "You should go out more and move on." 

"I think I had rather remain single," Harry said. "It's a less convoluted life." 

_However, it will also be a more lonely and silent life._

* * *


	6. Their Restless Hearts

** CHAPTER SIX: THEIR RESTLESS HEARTS **

**Sunday, 26th September 1999. Hogsmeade.**

Harry looked at the crowd made of cheerful students, and wished that he had been able to enjoy being a pupil in Hogwarts. However, when he got to know of his heritage and the responsibilities that came with it, gaining knowledge had been more of a race to defeat Voldemort rather than a way of self-improvement. 

"Harry, please take a seat," Madam Rosmerta said brightly. "You had better. This place is going to be very crowded soon." 

"No, it's all right. I intend to go to Hogwarts first," he replied and gave the tavern keeper an apologetic smile. 

"Even so, have a drink before you go." 

However, Harry shook his head and apologized before he stepped out of the tavern. He pulled the hood of his cloak over his head and started to walk slowly. As he did, an inner voice began to nag. 

_"Harry James Potter. You are so bloody close acting like an obsessed man." _After he walked past the Black Lake, it was:_ "Sooner or later, Severus is going to kill you when you start to stalk him."_

He stopped. "Bloody hell. I'm not mad enough to try, even with the use of an Invisibility Cloak. He's too smart to fall for it, and he's a bloody spy to boot." He started to walk again, and muttered unintelligibly. Harry sighed and wished he did not feel so restless that it threatened to break his concentration while at work. It had taken a lot of persuasion to get two days off from work. Truth was, he really missed the greasy-haired, pale-looking, and sarcasm-dripping Potions Master. It also did not help that his dreams worsened his already unsettled self. Each morning he awakened to the feeling as though someone held him close. 

A loud cry interrupted his musings and he looked up, and found Dumbledore's phoenix soaring above his head. Fawkes' circled once before it landed on a jagged rock. 

"Hello Fawkes," Harry greeted, and the phoenix gave a soft trill in response. He moved closer to the rock, and could not help but wonder why the mythical creature chose such a precarious perch. Harry stared into Fawkes' dark crimson eyes and saw a brief flicker of light in them. He concentrated, and was greatly astonished. 

It was only for an instant, but he thought he saw Severus in his classroom. He was certain that the professor was teaching -- it was the Potions Master's stance that convinced him. He also saw Professor Dumbledore and two other wizards who stood at the back of the room. 

"Harry?" 

He blinked, then turned around to meet the wizard who had greeted him. "Good morning, sir. Making your way to Hogsmeade?" Harry inquired politely. 

"Good morning. I'll be on my way once I can get your friend Hagrid out of his hut," Dumbledore said cheerfully. "Care to join me?" 

Harry considered his words carefully before he spoke. "Sir, is Severus in the castle? I am hoping I can invite him out to lunch." 

"What a splendid idea. Actually, I have just came out of the dungeons. I feel that our Professor Snape is being too attached to those gloomy corridors, but I have no luck in trying to get him to go out. Perhaps, you will be able to change his mind, Harry. Good luck!" Then Dumbledore smiled innocently and sauntered off in the direction of Hagrid's hut. Fawkes cried again and disappeared. 

Harry's heart thumped noisily in his chest and felt his breaths shortening with each step he took. He descended the narrow staircase that would lead him down to the dungeons. He was turning into a corner when he found himself staring at the sharp, pointed tip of a ghostly sword. Harry froze immediately. 

"Well, well, well. Isn't it the Gryffindor Brat? Harry Potter," the Bloody Baron drawled. 

"No, you're wrong, Baron. I'm one of those students who knows how to brew a Polyjuice Potion," Harry said sardonically. "Is Severus in his office?" 

"Severus?" 

"Is he there or is he in his classroom?" 

"He is in his office. Why do you seek him?" The Slytherin ghost lowered his sword before he sheathed it. 

"I'm afraid that is my business, Baron. Now, if you'll excuse me..." Harry walked straight into the ghost and approached Severus' office door with a slight amount of nervousness. He paused before it and raised his hand. He stopped himself before he could knock on the surface. 

_Damn it ... just do it!_ He rapped on the door twice and waited for Severus to respond. 

"Go away." 

For some obscure reason, Harry was emboldened upon hearing the sharp note of irritation in Severus' voice. With a slightly mischievous smile in place and his wand at the ready, he called out seriously. "I'm coming in -- invited or not!" A jet of silver light shot from the tip of his wand and hit the center of the door. Harry watched the light spread out, mesmerized by the root-like shapes it took. Soon, it encompassed the entire door and it swung open suddenly. Harry peered into the dimly lit office, and found Severus staring at him in amazement. "Hello, Severus. Put down your quill -- let's go to Hogsmeade." 

* * *

_I must be dreaming._ Severus Snape glared furiously at his civilian-clothed students as he walked down the street with the very famous Harry Potter by his side. _Why in Merlin's name did I agree to this?_ He cursed silently and let his black eyes scan the crowd on his left and right. He was dismayed when he found a group of Hufflepuffs stare at him and the young wizard on his right. What made it worse was, they were trying to hide their grins. Severus wondered uneasily what sort of rumors would circle Hogwarts for the next four weeks. _Do we look like a couple?_

Severus sighed and gave Harry a sidelong glance. The Gryffindor had been strangely un-talkative during their meal in The Three Broomsticks. _Perhaps he is debating whether his course of actions is worth the attention he is getting now._ He snorted. 

"What amuses you, Professor?" Harry's quiet voice penetrated through his preoccupation and he looked at his companion. Harry's hair appeared to have grey highlights as sunlight reflected on it, and one lock fell over a glass-covered eye as a stiff breeze blew around them. Harry was also smiling and his eyes were sparkling. Severus held his breath at the sight -- the ex-Gryffindor student looked happy. "Were you laughing at me in secret?" 

"Hmmm." 

Harry chuckled softly and oddly, Severus was thrilled to hear it. 

"Let's go in," Harry said suddenly. Severus watched as Harry disappeared into the interior of the store selling wizard robes. Hesitantly, he entered the shop, feeling strange and awkward. It made him even more unsettled when he saw Harry holding up a black robe that looked as though it belonged to his collection of robes. Then Harry turned around with a grin on his face. 

"Do you think I will look good if I wear this?" 

Severus knew he should just ignore the wizard and save himself from embarrassment, but to his own surprise and dismay, he actually found time to imagine Harry in the robes. "You won't unless you discipline yourself not to be sloppy about the way you dress," he heard himself say and watched Harry smile triumphantly. "Obnoxious Gryffindor." 

* * *

**Sunday, 24th October 1999.**

Severus gathered his students' essays and rolled them before he secured the bundle with a piece of string. Then he leaned back in his chair, and watched Harry arrange the dishes he had brought up from the kitchen on the table. The Potions Master wondered why he had let Harry to remain in his office, since the wizard's presence was somewhat distracting. 

About half an hour earlier, while he rested from marking papers, he studied an inquisitive Harry, who was browsing a bookshelf. The young wizard had not taken off his robes -- the robes that Harry had bought during the trip to Hogsmeade a month ago -- and as he witnessed the way the fabric molded around Harry, it made him think that he had lost his mind. He also envisioned himself sneaking up on Harry and embracing the younger wizard. Severus nearly attempted to split his forehead open by slamming his head against his desk. 

"Severus?" 

He shook his head slightly and focused on Harry, who was looking at him invitingly. 

"Are you done? If you are, then let's eat." 

He rose to his feet and winced when they tingled. "You sound as though this is your house," Severus grumbled and seated himself on a chair. 

"Whatever." Harry shrugged. 

Severus helped himself to the food, and as usual, they ate in silence. Words were unnecessary; Severus was more than content to study the wizard eating quietly across him. Harry's presence filled the silence inside him, although what went on inside could barely be called peaceful. His heart raced noisily in his chest, and occasionally, he was lulled by a strange feeling that made him breathless and dizzy. Their meal was concluded with a serving of apple pie, and they continued to stare into each other's eyes. Their empty plates and cups vanished without a sound and they did not notice that the table had been cleared. 

"I think I'd better leave," Harry said, rising slowly to his feet. Then he smiled at Severus. "Thank you for not sending me away." 

Severus really wanted to ask about the reason behind the visit but his lips would not work. He looked expectantly at Harry, who seemed as though he was going to say something. He did not however, and Severus felt slightly disappointed. He walked out with Harry, stood by the front steps of the castle and watched as Harry's coach blended into the dark night. 

* * *


	7. Finally

** CHAPTER SEVEN: FINALLY **

It was the Christmas holidays and Severus was in his room, banishing the dust that had settled onto mostly everything. He swore extensively and cursed his employer for making him return. After all, what was the point if he cleaned his house now and then to find it dusty again in the summer? Finally, about eleven in the evening, he relaxed in his bed, and as usual, he found himself thinking about Harry. The more he thought about the emerald-eyed wizard, the more he wanted to see the young man again. 

Severus sighed morosely and placed his arm over his eyes. "Why can't he make the first move?" He sighed again. He had never felt so helpless and clueless in his life. "Damn it ... damn it." 

Four nights before Christmas, Severus made a bold decision to visit Harry at home. When he reached Number Twelve, it was not Harry who greeted him but a consumer of his Wolfsbane Potion. Disappointment filled him and he gave up. Harry was probably Lupin's lover now. 

"Severus, I'd rather be subjected to your contemptuous sneer rather than that look of resentment." Remus' voice stopped him from leaving. "Where in hell do you think you are going? Harry will be home in an hour." 

Severus scowled but he was unable to think of a reply. 

"It's just as well that you're here." Remus got up to his feet and dusted his knees. He had been arranging some odd-looking pebbles and stones around the base of the Christmas tree. "I have to go and meet Tonks in ten minutes. You stay here and make sure Harry's all right. In fact, it'd be better if you stay here tonight." 

"What?" Severus just planned to say to Harry that he cared, but not to... He felt very nervous about the idea. 

"Have you forgotten, Severus?" Remus said in a quite annoying manner, and it was probably done to irritate him. "Draco has been discharged earlier in the afternoon. So it's only wise if you stay the night and make sure no one surprises Harry. Be his guardian." 

"Why me?" 

"Why not _you_?" Remus countered. "Don't think I'm as dense as Ron, Severus, although I thank the heavens he did not accompany us when we searched for Harry that night. In addition, since I am close to Harry, I also happen to know just how restless he had been, because of you." 

"What in the hell are you talking about?" Severus growled. 

"Can't you think of a reply that's more creative than that? If I remember correctly, I think you have uttered this statement each time we crossed paths." 

_I want to strangle this werewolf very, very badly._ His eye twitched violently. "What exactly are you trying to say, Remus?" 

Remus snickered. "Wasn't it your feelings that moved you to save Harry that night?" Lupin asked quietly. "I knew -- I knew how Harry felt about you. Do you know that he did not leave your side when you were still in a coma? I can tell you this, Severus, but Harry has loved you for a long time. It started when you resumed teaching him Occlumency." 

Severus could only stare unblinkingly at the werewolf. 

"When you realized that your Dark Mark was gone, what did Dumbledore tell you? Was it because that Voldemort was defeated by him?" 

He nodded. 

Remus gave an explosive sigh. "Well, I can tell you this, and Kingsley can confirm it. Of all the Death Eaters that have survived the War, only _you_, Severus, don't have a Dark Mark. You were freed, not because of Harry's victory, but because of his love." 

"But it's..." 

"Yes. I agree; it's too simple. However, it's because that he loves you that he was able to break the Mark. Love is also a kind of magic, Severus." 

Severus sat down on the couch and gazed into the flames in the fireplace. Meanwhile, the other wizard was putting on his robe and scarf. 

"I really don't understand why you have waited a long time to get together." 

"Shut up, Remus!" 

"I will after I finish what I wanted to say. Loving someone other than yourself is not a bad thing, Severus." The werewolf waved before leaving Number Twelve. Severus sat alone in the living room and his eyes flickered back and forth from the fireplace to the annoying, twinkling lights around the Christmas tree. Then he groaned and massaged his temples as he contemplated about what Remus had said. 

* * *

He was freezing and almost Apparated into The Burrow instead of the street that led him to Number Twelve. _Damn. Maybe I should connect the fireplace to the network. I'm too tired and cold to concentrate on Apparating._ When he entered the house, he sighed, relieved to find his hall warm and not alone. _But ... Remus could not have dyed his hair. On the other hand, maybe I'm imagining things._ He pulled his dark maroon scarf absently from his neck. Then his guest turned his head slightly. 

_Severus._ Harry stood still, shocked to find that it was the Potions Master. _Maybe I have fainted in the hallway and I'm dreaming. _However, whether he was dreaming or not, Severus Snape rose from the couch and strode forward. "What are you doing here?" Harry did not realize he had asked the question aloud. 

"I'm here to repay you all the visits you dropped on me," Severus replied quietly. 

"Oh." His stomach flipped and he flushed as he stared into Severus' eyes. Those black eyes were giving a trenchant gaze back at him. 

Severus took a step forward and then another, until Harry could almost feel the heat that radiated from the Potions Master. Malachite green eyes widened when gentle fingers cupped his chin, and Harry tilted his head back to watch the expression on the other man's face. Severus looked relax and the harsh qualities of his face were gentled by the smile. It was a genuine smile and Severus' dark eyes were resplendent with happiness. Then Harry was lost. 

He was lost in a sea of sensation. Soft gentle lips kissed him politely, and although it was relatively simple, it filled Harry with warmth. Intense desire blossomed in him and it made his knees weak. He swayed, but placed his hands quickly on Severus' chest to steady himself, and felt the man's heartbeat with his fingers. 

Severus' fingers left his chin but clasped Harry's hands. _Warm, _Harry thought._ And his lips ... they're warm and tender...._

"Harry." 

He could not breathe, not when he was caught by the passionate gaze. He felt Severus' fingers tightened around his trembling ones. 

"Will it trouble you if I spend the night here?" 

"But ... why?" Harry asked in a hushed tone. 

"I," Severus paused and Harry could see the Potions Master's face redden that he knew it was not a trick of the firelight. "I want to be with you." Severus' voice was strained, as though he was fighting with something. 

"Severus..." 

Then Harry was pulled in the wizard's embrace. He relaxed, encircled Severus' waist with his arms and listened to the poundings of their hearts. He felt like he belonged there and could remain there forever. 

"I have never disobeyed the Headmaster before, but when he ordered us to retreat, I could not abide his order," Severus said softly. "To know that you were facing him alone..." 

"But you didn't really have to jump into the trap, Severus. You didn't have to use yourself as a shield to protect me from those creatures." 

"I knew _his_ plan. If he could not survive the battle, he would bring you down with him." Severus squeezed him gently and Harry shivered as the wizard kissed his ear. "I lost my head ... and my wits, but I couldn't bear to see you die in the hands of those ... _things_." 

They parted, and Harry lifted his eyes to study Severus. He sensed that the other wizard had more to say. 

"I think I developed some feelings for you while you were in your sixth year, when I had to see you for ten hours every week." Harry closed his eyes in bliss when Severus started to caress his face. 

"I think this may sound corny," Harry began carefully, "but I keep thinking that your arms were meant to hold me." 

"You are right; it is corny. You are right again, since I think that you belong here." 

Harry was prevented from responding to the statement as Severus gave him an ardent kiss. "I love you," he said breathlessly when they parted for air. 

"I think I love you, too." Severus' expression became sly suddenly. "Now, do you think the universe will be swallowed up by the sun?" 

Harry gaped at him. The silence stretched from a second to five minutes. "You ... heard? You did not leave immediately?" he squeaked. "And still ... you waited?" 

"Obviously." 

He shook himself, let out an explosive sigh, and wormed back into Severus' embrace. "Well, I think I'm happy to announce that my gift to predict things is quite questionable. I'm not that stupid to lose this golden opportunity to love you." 

"Wise decision," Severus murmured into his hair. "Now, do you think we can sit on your comfortable couch? I will probably have an easier time warming you up." 

"What exactly do you mean? Warming me up?" Harry asked suspiciously. 

Severus smiled crookedly and raised his hand. To his shock and disbelief, Severus sucked on his little finger. _Hot._

"This is the problem. Where is your workplace? The Arctic?" 

"Oh ... no wonder you felt exceptionally warm." 

Severus continued to smile and they walked to the couch to rest. 

* * *

**_Three years later..._**

**Sunday, 7th April 2002.**

Harry opened his eyes slowly. When his body stopped shaking and the pleasure of his climax receded, he let out a sigh of relief. However, not all his pleasure vanished. It was quite hard to do so, since his lover still surrounded him and still caressed him from the inside. Severus breathed heavily in his ear and Harry could feel him shaking. He reached out and clasped Severus' chin. His lover lifted his head slightly and claimed his lips. He happily wrapped his arms around the Potions Master's neck. 

He felt so happy that it was as though his heart would burst anytime. In his gladness, he smiled even as Severus kissed him. His lover pulled away suddenly and Harry stared at the gleaming black eyes questioningly. 

"Harry, it is quite disconcerting and rather alarming to feel you smile, especially when we are..." 

The current Defense against the Dark Arts teacher smiled in amusement as Severus' pale cheeks colored. "Making love?" Harry supplied meekly. 

"Yes." Severus' expression was grave. "Is there something wrong with my way of ... making love to you?" 

Harry chuckled but it ended abruptly when his lover did something that made him gasp loudly. "Severus!" His vision blurred slightly. "For your information, I was not smiling out of amusement. I was feeling happy, you git." He pursed his lips and scowled. "Have you taken an aphrodisiac or something?" 

Severus gave him a wicked look. "Why do you ask?" 

"Because it is quite impossible for you to -- ah! -- to do it again --" Harry arched his back. Lust pounded in his veins again. He gripped Severus' shoulders tightly and forced himself to concentrate. His lover was smirking at him. "Severus..." 

The Potions Master leaned forward and kissed him again. "No, I did not take any potions. There is no need to, when there's a natural one available." 

"Stop joking, Severus." 

Severus chuckled lightly. "I just feel hungry tonight." 

"Have mercy on me then. I have an early class tomorrow," Harry said hoarsely. His vision was really about to fail him now. 

"So do I," Severus whispered seductively. 

"Maybe ... it's better if I have my own room." 

"No." 

"Severus..." 

"Harry ... I love you. I love you...." 

* * *

Severus was warm, fuzzy, and still insatiable. Harry was asleep, with Severus still inside him. _Just one more time then?_ He lifted himself slightly and glanced at the clock. It was half past five in the morning. 

Harry's arms and legs wrapped about him suddenly, and Severus gasped as he accidentally thrust into his lover. Harry, it seemed, had moved unconsciously in his sleep. Severus, who was breathing heavily on his lover's collarbone, remembered the night Harry refused to let him go. 

He smiled, closed his eyes, and rocked his body gently into the younger man. Then he grinned suddenly, and wrapped his fingers around Harry. 

"Harry, it's nearly time for breakfast. So wake up and enjoy this." _Will he?_

The DADA professor mumbled sleepily and his hold on Severus slackened slightly. "What time is it?" 

"Five-forty," Severus answered breathlessly. He yelped and uttered a curse when Harry rolled them over without warning. What he saw in Harry's eyes nearly made him reach his climax. The emerald-eyed wizard gave him a feral smile and started to ride him. "We still have an hour, Severus. Don't come too soon." 

"Harry, I can't..." 

"Excites you when I'm in this position, right?" 

Severus nodded and stilled his body. He heard Harry moan softly. 

"I don't think I can hold it off too, Severus. Whoever comes first..." 

"I know." 

* * *

Severus hung on to Harry and tried to catch his breath. 

"Where shall we do it tonight? Or whichever night you can?" Harry panted. 

"In the office. On _your_ desk." 

"Merlin..." 

"And you top." 

"Severus ... I don't want to wait." 

"Neither do I." 

"Damnation ... Now you've made me horny." 

"Wait until tonight then. And no sneaking to the bathroom." 

"But --" 

"I want you to..." Severus whispered his wish into Harry's ear. 

"Kinky Slytherin." 

"Horny Gryffindor stud." 

"We still have twenty minutes, Severus." 

"Be patient..." 

"But -- It's going to drive me mad." 

"Which is exactly what I want." 

"Severus!" 

He laughed heartily and carried his indignant lover into the bathroom. "Pull the chain. We both need it." Harry sighed and did as he asked. They both yelped as icy, cold water splashed on them. 

Two hours later, Severus watched as Harry left the Great Hall with a trail of third year students. He rose from his seat and walked slowly to his classroom. _I'm lucky that I have only practical to deal with today._ Severus smiled. Time was going to pass quickly for him. The Potions Master entered his classroom and glided toward the blackboard. He tapped his wand on it, and instructions appeared. His black, glittering eyes scanned the classroom leisurely. "Well, what are you waiting for? Get started." 

** THE END **


End file.
